First Grade Tidbits

There's a couple of more incidents I should mention before I wrap up first grade:

I have to say that my mom was really fun to be around when she wasn't all stressed out. We used to watch the "Wonderful World of Disney" together and she enjoyed it more than my sister and I . You should have heard her laugh during those "animal documentaries", like when they made the critters dance by shuttling the film back and forth... Her 'inner child' was never far from the surface :-)
She also really enjoyed working with our retriever 'Bozo' (she was very good with dogs). One of the things she taught him to do (on cue) was 'talk' - it sounded exactly like he was saying "Oh, Mom".
So, of course, when I started the first grade I had to tell my teacher that my dog could talk. And without bothering to inquire as to the extent of Bozo's vocabulary, she informed me (repeatedly, and in no uncertain terms) that dogs cannot talk... I told her that my mom said he could indeed talk - yet she remained adamant that he could not! I was stunned... I mean, who was she to question my mother's credibility?? So I guess Mrs. Cytron figured I was a delusional crackpot. And I thought she was a humorless #$%#$. So it's not surprising that our relationship went downhill from there :-)

The other story involves the 'jolly rotund one' who is rumored to reside at the apex of the northern hemisphere. As you might expect, by the time I reached the first grade my mom had told me quite a few things about him. For example:

1. He could magically squeeze through keyholes to gain access to homes (like our first one) that did not have a chimney.
2. Many of his helpers were trained impersonators - that explained how he could seem to be in multiple places at the same time during the holidays.
3. And in the weeks leading up to Christmas he hid presents in your parent's bedroom (under the bed and in the closet - places where good children shouldn't be looking)... That made perfect sense because he couldn't possibly fit all those presents on the sleigh, right?
   

But some of the other first graders insinuated that the 'chubby one' was actually a fictional character. Of course, I told them they were crazy but they still insisted on spouting their 'anti-existence' nonsense... I was about ready to 'throw down' with those infidels, but being the cautious type I decided to double check first with the highest possible authority - my mother. I explained to her that it was extremely important that I know for certain if the individual in question was real or not. And she said: "Of course he's real!"
The next day I ended up with a bloody nose. It was a small sacrifice made in defense of the truth. Then a couple of years later my mother admitted that the 'jolly one' exists more in spirit than in fact... Needless to say I was enraged! How could she have lied to me like that?? Heck - she might have even been lying about the tooth fairy and Easter bunny! Perish the thought! :-)

Believe it or not, I never quite got over being mad about that. But I never 'ruined it' for my kids. They didn't ask me point blank , but if they had I probably would have told them that I didn't know for sure... And that's the truth - having never been to the north pole I am in no position to confirm or deny the existence of any jolly inhabitants :-)