Where was Dad?

So there we were at my aunt's house in Germany. The "plan" (as we knew it) was for dad to sell the house in Havertown, put everything into storage and then come to Germany to "rescue us" from Vesti's benevolent grasp.

Shortly after we arrived we got some really nice letters from dad. And then ... silence. Many weeks passed and not a word... Our phone in Havertown had been disconnected... We had no idea what was going on... And then mom got a letter - he wanted a divorce - she broke down a cried for hours... And then she got mad :-)

Now, there was no such thing as a "no fault" divorce back in those days (not in the U.S. at least). One party had to be "at fault" (e.g, adultery). Only the "injured" party could file and the "guilty" party got seriously reamed (e.g. alimony). So, there was no way dad could initiate a divorce. And mom's reaction was "no way in hell". That led to some interesting dynamics - but that's for a later post. Let's just say that the whole situation brought out the worst in both of my parents for years to come...

BTW - I could never understand why mom still wanted to be with him. I wished they were still together - that was the only life I had ever known... But to be quite honest they could not have been more incompatible. He could never be who she wanted him to be (and vice-versa) but in 18 years of marriage she never gave up hoping... I don't know if it was love or pride or what - it didn't make any sense... But I digress :-)

I wasn't worried about the things I left behind in Havertown. I assumed that dad would keep them... I was wrong. Dad brought a small box of stuff to me in Germany that summer, but it wasn't any of the things I cared about...
Now, I know that possessions don't matter (matthew 6:19-21 and all) - there's lots of ways to lose things. But it's different when they are deliberately disposed of by someone you love and trust. (It's the thought that matters??) That is the part I've never quite gotten over...
I have to admit I do totally sympathize with his situation: The house was sold. There were 3 stories and a finished basement full of stuff that had to be dealt with. So I assume dad picked out some things to keep - all of his stuff, some of the furniture, mom's paintings, the photo albums, etc. And the rest was probably disposed of... At least that's my best guess. I never asked... All I know is I never saw any of it again...

Aside: Shortly before my 6 year tour in the military was up (2/22/79) Debbie and I sold our house in Sacramento to return to Oregon. It held a lot of memories - we had scrimped and saved to buy it. At first our only furniture was a mattress on the floor, some cardboard boxes for tables and a couch so ratty that Goodwill wouldn't take it :-) Then we had our first child - and he took his first steps in that living room ...
I'm not know for being emotional (quite the opposite, actually) but as I made my last pass through the house before turning the keys over to the realtor I broke down crying... Even though we were going home to Oregon (a happy occasion) - I was sad to be "closing the door" on a wonderful chapter of our lives. So I can only guess how difficult it must have been for dad to clear out that house in Havertown - it was the ghostly remnants of a marriage and family irretrievably lost...

But the key point is that Dad not wanting to be with mom anymore changed everything. And thus began the toughest part of my life...