Date Expectations

I'm having a lot of trouble organizing my thoughts about Winnipeg. There was just so much that happened during those first few months... I was having serious psychological issues, I learned the true meaning of cold, there was an entirely new family dynamic (mom in charge), I found a new obsession (the guitar) and met the best friend I've ever had (other than my wife).

First - I misspoke a couple of posts ago when I said that my mom immediately got a job in advertising. That didn't happen for a few months. She started out doing contract work: She painted a mural on the wall of the lunchroom at the Labatts brewery (all the beer you could drink) and she sculpted a 10 foot tall fiberglass buffalo for the city of Edmonton...
I have never seen her more miserable than when she was working on that buffalo - she spent 8 hours a day covered in fiberglass. Despite the suit and gloves she was itching from head to toe all the time. Her arms were dead tired from holding the power tools. And she could not figure out what to do with the genital area - what do buffalo balls look like? She couldn't find a picture anywhere :-)

Then there was me ... Yeah - I was a mess...

Nothing made sense. I was trying to keep track of the budget but mom kept buying things we couldn't afford and wouldn't tell me how much she spent. Like I needed a couple of suits for school so mom had them tailor made for me... (It was "first class" or nothing.) Keeping track was futile. I threw away the budget book after 3 months...

And if you've been reading this blog for very long you know that I am abnormally fond of the opposite sex - that goes back to my earliest memories. And during the year and a half I was in the boarding school I had hardly seen a girl let alone talked to one... And now the girls my age weren't 'girls' anymore and they completely mystified (and terrified) me...

An aside: I was clearly suffering from anxiety disorder by then. It was absolutely paralyzing... I thought it was "plain old" teen angst and everyone else was just better at coping than I was... A little bit of therapy would have done wonders...
But if my mom saw the signs she wouldn't admit it - even to herself... It was like my asthma. She couldn't accept that either... If I had asthma (or anxiety disorder) that would mean I wasn't perfect. And her son was perfect...

Finally - I'd never been more alone... Mom and sis had enough problems without worrying about me... In the boarding school there were always other students around - and a lot were going through similar things - it was comforting... And now that was gone.

The end result - I was really, really needy...

I drove one guy (Baranski?) up the wall trying to hang out with him at school... When he saw me coming his friends would distract me so he could run and hide... Apparently I was a bit slow at taking hints. That hasn't changed :-)

And I wanted a girlfriend more than anything... I have no idea why - I didn't even know what to do with a girl at the time... But my 'requirements' were so amazingly shallow and unrealistic it's hard for me to admit it:
She had to be really hot. So hot that every guy who saw her would be green with envy. And she would be hopelessly devoted to me - she would never think of anyone else... Her life would revolve around me... It would be perfect. (Bonus points for red hair...)

I have no idea where that crap came from... But I'm ashamed (and embarrassed) to admit that I stuck with it until after high school... The girls I was interested in wouldn't give me a second glance - and the girls who were interested in me didn't meet my expectations... Sad but true... (And soooo stupid!! Talk about self-inflicted pain...)

I don't know... Maybe if I'd had a clue during those years I would've never met Debbie (my wife). And my life since would have just plain sucked :-)