Assault and Guidance

There were 2 incidents that drove my decision to part company with my dad and return to Texas.... I will describe them in chronological order.

First off - I need to preface this by saying that my dad was an amazing person, but like a lot of amazing people he had some deep flaws... And one of his flaws was that he could be abusive to those closest to him... Now - I've thought about trying to "sugar coat" all of this, but I'm just not going to... That fact is that when he got mad at someone he would scream at them and (on very rare occasions) assault them... He never did any serious physical harm (that I know of) but after he lashed out he would usually chastise the victim for "making" him do it... Yeah - he could be a serious asshole at times.
Although he yelled at me a lot when I was growing up (and occasionally threw things) he had never hit me. I think he was afraid mom would kill him in his sleep. (I'm not kidding about that.) ... But mom wasn't there when I visited him in New York.

I don't recall all of the details, but the incident started when Karina did something involving the friend of theirs she was having a relationship with. (I think his name was Richard.) ...
We were at the dinner table and Lillan demanded to know why Karina had done whatever it was she did... That was an incredibly stupid question. The only reason Karina ever did anything back in those days was because she felt like it. (Duh!)
But Lillan would not let it drop. She kept yelling at Karina - louder and louder... Even after Karina begged her to stop - over and over - Lillan would not let up... It got to the point where Karina was screaming at the top of her lungs - her ears covered - her eyes closed - obviously in extreme emotional distress - the neighbors were pounding on the walls - and Lillan just kept on yelling at her. They were both totally out of control.
Now - I had seen Karina in that state a couple of times before and (in my judgment) if somebody didn't do something quickly it was going to end very badly... I kept waiting for dad (the "Lord and Master"of the house) to try and calm Lillan down, but he wasn't doing a damn thing... So I yelled at Lillan to shut up and (amazingly enough) she did... Crisis defused...

That's when dad gave me a black eye...

It really wasn't that bad - I saw it coming and was moving away from the blow when it landed. But it was still a crappy thing for him to do given that I was only trying to protect my sister - his own flesh and blood...

The "insult to injury" part of the evening came after Karina and I left the apartment. We didn't have a penny on us so we went to see an acquaintance of theirs (a school teacher) who lived in an adjacent building... We told her what had happened and asked if she could put us up for the night, or at least spot us some money for a cab and a motel... But she refused. She informed us that my father was a "prince of a man" - the finest man she had ever known - and would never do any of the things we had described... (!!!???) ... We had no other option but to go back to dad's apartment, and (as usual) he acted like nothing had happened...
But that incident forever changed how I felt about both him and Lillan. Just thinking about it still enrages me... Any doubts about where I stood were erased forever...

Aside: Have I ever mentioned how frustrating it was to have two parents that everyone absolutely adored? ... I never knew quite how to react when they told me how incredibly lucky I was :-)

And finally:
I think it was a week or so later that we were out shopping with the women folk and dad took me aside to talk about my future. I remember we sat down in the cafeteria at one of the department stores and he told me there were basically 2 options: Either attend a trade school - or a 4 year college, and if I chose college he would pay my tuition... (Yeah - and I actually believed him. That will come up again in a later post) ... I remember thinking it was kind of strange that he was suddenly concerned about my future after ignoring me for six years, but I did appreciate the gesture...

I responded by explaining that I had no desire to become a member of the "educated elite" and a cog in the American corporate machine... I was perfectly happy being amongst the "unwashed masses" :-)

OK - I need to take a step back and mention that the entire time I had been in New York dad had been talking about genetic predetermination. He had recently finished reading a book by a proponent of the theory (I no longer recall the author's name) and dad was quite enamored with the idea that genetics rather than environment determined success or failure. Yes - some of us are simply "better by birth".
So - dad insisted that it was impossible for me not to end up as a highly educated, successful professional... I could fight it, but the genetic imperative would be too strong to overcome... (Resistance is futile.)

At the time I laughed at the idea because I knew that the only thing I would ever be good it is playing the guitar... But it turns out that he was absolutely right... It was never my intent to become educated and successful. I just found myself constantly seeking out interesting and challenging things to do, and education and success were the natural byproducts :-) But I digress (sort of).

We had a rather heated discussion about business in general. I shared my Utopian vision of all companies being 100% employee owned. He told me the idea was unworkable - businesses could not succeed in the marketplace without continual growth fueled by capital investment.
It ended with him being totally frustrated with my apparent lack of ambition and he said that if I I didn't want to continue my education I should just go back to Texas and work on my "shitty Ford".

You know, I wish he had left my car out of it... I mean, I could deal with the black eye, but why did he have to go and "disrespect" the Fairlane?? That really hurt...

So I flew back to Tyler (to work on my shitty Ford) and shortly thereafter mom and I went to the DMV so I could take the driving test. I figured that compared to Manhattan it would be a piece of cake and I was right. I scored in the high 90s...