Born Again and Baptized

This topic is a bit strange for me to write about because I'm not exactly what you would call a "person of faith". As a matter of fact, I'm rather the opposite... But there are many things in life that I don't understand - and this is one of them...

As it turns out, being "born again" is a very real experience, one that can fundamentally change your life... So - is the experience exactly what evangelical Christians claim it is? ... Heck if I know... My rational brain tells me that it's all nonsense, but my rational brain also tells me that the universe can't possibly exist - so I guess it's a wash :-) Furthermore - I long ago concluded that I don't need to understand the exact nature of the "experience"... It simply doesn't matter...

You know - it took an awful lot of soul searching to get to that point... I mean - I knew that everyone in the church wanted me to "turn my life over to Christ", but I was highly resistant to the whole idea... I would have to get up in front of the whole congregation and everything - how embarrassing :-)
But then I got to wondering exactly what it was that I was clinging to and why it was so hard to let go of it. The answer was pretty obvious: I didn't want to turn control of my life over to some unknown, unseen force...
But the more I thought about it, the more I realized that I was already at the mercy of forces unknown and unseen -forces that manifested themselves as amazing and wondrously balanced mathematical certainties and uncertainties... Yes - nothing fascinates me more that the fact that our fate as a group seems to be statistically predetermined (e.g. "X number of people will die in traffic accidents next year") yet our fate as individuals is not ("we have no idea who those people will be").

Aside: When I talk about statistical predetermination most people look at me like I'm crazy. They're like "Well, duh!"... But the only reason we're so comfortable with the concept is that we've seen it in everything around us since the day we were born. We know that roughly X number of people will grow to be Y inches tall - and that Z students will score in a particular range on a given test... But why is everything is so predictable??? ... Yes - I know it's the "law of averages" - but exactly who made that law and how is it enforced? If you can get past the notion that it's "just how things are" you begin to realize just how bizarre and inexplicable it is... I mean - how "free" is our "free will" if we (as a group) are bound to statistical certainties? ... And if the universe came about "at random" how come everything in it adheres to such strict mathematical principles??? But I digress (slightly)...

So it came to pass that on July 25, 1971 I was born again... I still remember it like it was yesterday - truly an amazing experience. Really indescribable... And afterward the sleepless nights stopped... The compulsive drinking stopped... OK - the stress didn't stop - but there was a lot less of it.
The interesting part was that I was still who I had always been. When I was a teenager I was afraid to change anything about myself because I thought that it would somehow change me... But those fears were completely unfounded. I learned that you can change your appearance - how you behave - even what you think and believe - and still not change who you are... Cool...

You know - from time to time I've tried to come up with a rational explanation for the whole thing. There may well be one - I don't know. I'll have to leave that up to the psychologists. And if they tell me it's a delusion, then fine - so be it. It's one that I'm happy with... Honestly - if we didn't suffer from delusions from time to time we'd most certainly all go crazy :-)

Of course, I also had to be baptized again. I don't remember my Catholic baptism on account of being an infant and all... I'm told that I farted when the water touched my forehead. Yeah - that should come as no surprise to anyone who knows me very well. According to my mother the priest claimed that I was "shooting at the devil", but it's really just something I do...

OK - I did not know that Baptist churches were set up to do total immersion. Yeah - there was sort of a hot tub thing in an elevated area behind some curtains up at the front of that church. The water was about waist deep and had a glass panel across the top front so the congregation could see you "go under". There were stairs at either end of the tub, so when it was your turn you'd step down into the water (where the minister was waiting), cross your arms in front of you (holding your nose), and he would cradle your body and lean you back under the water for a couple of seconds. Then you'd go up the steps at the other end where someone was waiting "in the wings" with towels...
There were (I think) about 5 or 6 of us baptized that day. They gave us these white robes to wear over our skivvies and we formed a line at the bottom of the stairs leading up to the platform from which you descended into the pool... Now - those stairs were really steep - almost like a step ladder - and it should come as no surprise that what I remember most about the whole event is glancing up at the teenage girl at the top of the stairs ahead of me... I swear it wasn't intentional. (White cotton, by the way) ... Yeah - I guess some things just never change :-)

So exactly what do I believe in? Well, it's something... I'm really not sure what - but it helps me cope with the world around me - and it helps me get to sleep at night... And that's good enough for me.